Assignment: Creative writing

Monday, 06 March 2006

What is it about teddy bear cranes?

It was a perfect day to go to the sea. The sun shone brightly and stood proud amid the cyan sky and without the encumbrance of amorphous white clouds. The cool breeze carried us gently to Southend and even the diabolical M25 was kind enough to allow us a journey free from congestion.

Firstly we ventured to Seaworld and gave admiration to its plethora of sea creatures. Large cod were seen swimming amongst its aquatic home appearing all lost and removed from batter and chips. Stingrays broke the surface of the water showing us a sweet hello – and they didn’t even sting us; and even the purveyor of this facility did not sting us with price!

The sea was calm and its serenity interceded on a troubled mind. My eyes did close as advised by Claire and I absorbed its tranquil song as it washed against the shore giving verve to a despondent disposition. The beach was an expanse of pebbles and shells compounded with seaweed. Occasionally we would stumble on far more exotic items, such as cans of Foster “all the way from Australia”. Alas, there was no message in said can – no cry for help and hence no comparison to be made with my pleas for guidance.

We left the serene shore so as to add a bit of adventure to our visit. As tourists it was our duty to partake in the British seaside ritual of visiting entertainment outlets fuelled with neon glow. Iridescently the lights chased along the seafront. Yet, all we wanted was to win a teddy bear!

After ingesting many machines with many coins, it became evident that the procurement of teddy bears through the utilisation of a crane was an impossible task. The crane had the irritating ability to be able to raise any teddy bear to a mere height of three inches and then simply drop it! I would hypothesise that these cranes have the gripping capacity of approximately 1.204 milligrams PSI. Enough strength to grab and raise warm air (obviously because warm air rises) and then on descent a quick blast with nitrogen oxide to cool the air sufficiently to allow the air to sink…Hey presto – you’ve won a prize!

So it would seem that Southend provides huge disappointment in the pursuit of teddy bears. No place to go for a picnic, no place to meet Goldilocks and certainly no place to hit Pooh bear with a high speed vehicle! I would suggest that all of Southend’s ‘boyracers’ be equipped with Kalashnikovs and perform drive by shootings on all teddy bear tantalising outlets!